tectonic smash cake


soil profiles! wow, talk about something i don’t give a fuck about! i’d rather pass an entire slim jim through my sinus cavity than have to learn about loam and bedrock again. APES was such a bullshit class. that might’ve had something to do with my teacher not believing in climate change, but who knows.

so WHY then, lena, did you make a cake that looks like a soil horizon? i really just shoved a bunch of cake scraps together and the contrast of textures and colors made me think of layers of soil. imagine if you were to take a huge apple corer and punch out a sample of the ground in candyland. that’s what this is.


  • this is a pretty weird cake, flavor-wise. dark chocolate, pink lemonade, and carrot. it’s what i had on hand. use whatever you want. maybe pistachio cake for the organic layer, if you want to embrace the dirt/grass theme??
  • i was out of acetate, so i used wax paper, and it turned out fine!! it’s trickier to build up because the wax paper is so much less stable, but it’s still a good substitute.
  • do you see how much the cake sunk between the picture of me peeling the paper off and the one of me taking a slice? those were taken 24 hours apart. it’s the result of 1) using a cream cheese buttercream that never really “sets” and 2) the cakes being too damn moist! heheheheh. i mean……….. there are worse problems. but if you want to make sure your cake stays super tall, keep it refrigerated or (preferably) frozen until ready to serve.


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